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To Stay- READ DESCRIPTIONToday mother left.
"Mom, don't go!"
I begged and pleaded,
For her to stay.
She shoved me away from her side,
Screeching "Let go! Get off you filthy brat!"
I was crying so much that
I couldn't make out
Her squinted, angry eyes
Her frightening scowl.
My father dragged me away by the shoulder
And said to me,
"Stop this absurd bawling right now!"
But I could not obey
My cheeks had become red and puffy
As did my confused eyes.
Why was she leaving?
Would she come back?
What did I do?
Father clutched my shoulders and shook me
"Stop that I say!" he roared.
I struggled out of his grasp and ran back to where mom was
Or had been.
Too LongToo Long
I'm in silence.
So quiet.
So cold in here.
I don't know where I've come to
A place of no sound.
No scene.
Just plain white
Never-ending.
I sit alone
I guess I waited too long
To say
How I felt.
Now I'm abandoned
By you
Here.
So quiet.
I can still hear you
In the distance.
You've forgotten
All about me.
But I have no exit
So I guess
I'll wait longer
For you though I know
You're not coming back.
So I'll sit here
In white.
In silence.
Blow Out the CandleLife is so hard now.
The beatings never stopped,
But occur every day
Until he decides I've had enough.
I've thought about terrible things
Blowing my candle's light out
Putting a rest to my endless pain.
Although I have no emotions anymore,
Pain is the only thing I can feel.
Today he left me alone
Spared me the pain.
Then the fresh blood staining my nails
Was caused by myself.
So much pain,
Desperately wanting something to grab
To take away the searing pain.
I could only find my biceps as the closest thing.
A little nail can create such deep slits.
It took the pain away from my healing wounds
And from my frozen heart.
Ever
Just AcceptDreams are meant to be built up
Not torn down.
I have a life I want to live
And one my dad wants me to live.
Fact is I hate it.
My career, my job, my whole future
Lived by the perfect creation of
A successful daughter.
You can't live through me!
And I most certainly do not live for you!
Mom doesn't side which is better
Than being told what you should be.
My dreams lay shattered
Pieces here
Pieces there.
I have enough will to try and fix them,
But just when hopes are high
Poisonous words kill me slowly.
"Get a real job."
"No one will buy it."
"A doctor…or a lawyer!"
No! No!
Just shut up!
I'm not yours to control!
Just Go Away!Just Go Away!
Go away!
Just leave!
I can't stand you
Anymore.
I don't understand why
You can't see
That I'm not happy.
That I'm not okay.
Either you aren't sure
Of what to do or say
Or you just don't care.
How can I tell?
I can't.
So…
Just go away!
Leave me alone!
Why should I
Stay in the gray?
Not comprehending
Your unconcerned
Face.
Stay away from me!
You don't care!
Don't tell me I
Don't get it!
Believe me, I do
But apparently
I'm the only one.
HeartsThey are small.
They are fragile.
They can break with a single touch
We can sew them up.
Only to have the wounds ripped open.
We can build walls around them.
Only to have people break them down.
They are broken.
With stitches holding them together.
There is no color to them.
They are weak.
They are easily broken.
They are in everyone.
They are hearts.
Heart and SoulMy heart is breaking.
It's falling to pieces.
All I can do is pick them up
And put them back together.
Only to have it break again.
My soul is dying.
Little by little
With every word that is said.
There is nothing I can do to save it.
I watch as it goes.
There is a little bit left.
But I know that more words will destroy it.
Soon it will be gone
And I will be a shell.
There is no way to save the remaining soul.
Why is it so easy to put my heart back together, but not my soul?
GoodbyeWhat did I do to deserve this?
Why does everything turn out wrong?
When did it go wrong?
Who told you those things about me?
Where are you going now?
How long does this have to go on?
Don't leave me alone.
Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!
Everyone looks at me weird now.
Stop them from hurting me.
Can't you hear my cries?
Can't you hear me scream your name?
I can't take this anymore!
The looks
The stares
The words
I can't take it!
You are my friend and yet you won't help me!
Then let us say goodbye and get it over with.
Goodbye forever…
Different?You're perfect and I'm not.
You're a popular and I'm a nerd.
You're beautiful and I'm not.
I get called freak.
While you get called queen.
I act weird around my friends.
You act perfect around yours.
You see us as two different people.
From two different worlds.
I see us as the same.
Two people from the same world.
You think our lives are different.
But in real life they are the same.
We both have family and friends.
Why do you think we are different?
We are the same.
The only thing that is different between us is…
That you act like you're perfect and a queen.
And I act like a weirdo and a freak.
Fake SmileNobody understands me.
The things I do they won't get it.
Why I do what I do.
They will never understand.
I act like someone they can understand.
My reasons why I hide my emotions.
Only showing the ones that they want to see.
Why I put on a fake smile.
For them to think I am happy, but I am not.
My pain and sadness scream inside me, but I deal with it.
Nobody will be able to understand.
Why I hide behind my fake smile.
So they don't worry about me.
My emotions are hard to control.
I don't want them to show behind my fake smile.
If they show nobody will understand them.
So tomorrow is another day to hide my emotions.
Behind my
Pull The TriggerLoad it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Do it again
Repeat, repeat
Breathe now
Repeat

I've done this so much before
Could do it in my sleep

Breathe now
In and out
Don't move
Or you'll be beat

Back is breaking, just keep going
Just stay on your feet

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Sweat dripping
Can't speak a word
Can't move
Or hardly breathe

If I could, I'd speak my mind
But you won't listen to me

My body's breaking
You can see
But my heart and my mind
Are breaking me

I know I have a talent
But it
LostLost again as on we go
And here we sit, we're all alone
I feel my strength is almost done
I want to bleed until I'm gone

And nothing I could ever write
Would help you understand this life
As love and pain walk on together
This road I see goes on forever

Down and up and down again
This push and pull will never end
So lost and dizzy, on we go
But once again we've lost it all
My AnxietyI blush in constant embarrassment
I hide in constant fear
My heart beats faster than yours
My hands will always shake

I agonize over things that happened
Punishment for things I can’t change
I hate myself for being awkward
But I don’t know how to change

I hide when I hear laughing near me
And my heart starts racing faster
I cringe when people stare at me
And my eyes bore into the ground
‘I feel sick.  I’m not worth being there.’

I can’t use a computer with a webcam
I can’t use a phone that talks
I fear the cruel txt messages
Flashing back to my old life
“Ur so stupid. You actually believed t
GuiltWhat did I do?
Why is it wrong?
I feel it deep inside
Jerking me along

Piling up like bricks
Inside of my chest
As I lay here dying
I can not yet rest

As the movie of my story
Sits on replay in my head
I see all that I've done
And all that I've misread

I see all that I did wrong
All the mistakes that I've made
And all those times I hurt you
Just cut me like a blade

They won't leave me alone
Ghost hauntings of my past
Yet I cannot remember
What I did to be harrassed

I see them once again
At the corners of my eyes
They'll drag me down to Hell
To where madness is no surprise
It StoppedI want to cut out my heart
And watch it stop beating
Lay it underneath the moon
As my soul would start pleading
I'd close my worn eyes
Though I'm no longer dreaming
Which is why I cut out my heart
And watched it stop beating
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More than a glance
Less than a stare
From two eyes
With a lot to hide
Secrets within
Never to be told

Take a look at her
But not so harsh
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With great caution

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70

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A poem that I wrote in school today while thinking of a conversation that I had with one of my friends. Idk, just more hot acid that is constantly leaking from core of my brain.
©2012-2013 ~SafariSam
Category: Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

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Submitted on
September 18, 2012
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:iconreginyralunasky:
~ReginyraLunasky Sep 19, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Great work! (like usual) ^^ :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsafarisam:
~SafariSam Sep 19, 2012
Thank you's n.n :hug:
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